HomeОбразованиеRelated VideosMore From: The School of Life

HISTORY OF IDEAS - Dating

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The way we date nowadays has a history that it pays to try to understand as we navigate the ups and downs of the dating game. Never before in history have we had such high expectations of dating - and rarely have we been more confused. Sign up to our new newsletter and get 10% off your first online order of a book, product or class: https://bit.ly/2LayJ9F For gifts and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://bit.ly/2zsKsxP Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://bit.ly/2DqCDwo Download our App: https://bit.ly/2Q4cV2f FURTHER READING You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://bit.ly/2Q4UKtd “Our present dating habits can feel like a natural part of existence, but in reality, they’ve only been around for a very short time and, we predict, won’t continue for too much longer in their current form. Dating has a history, which it pays to try to understand as we navigate the ritual’s paradoxical and often confusing priorities. Let’s take a selective look backwards – as well as a peak forwards – at the history and future of dating...” MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Visit us in person at our London HQ: https://bit.ly/2Ieo91t Watch more films on HISTORY in our playlist: http://bit.ly/TSOLhistory You can submit translations and transcripts on all of our videos here: https://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog&tab=2 Find out how more here: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/6054623?hl=en-GB SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: Download our App: https://bit.ly/2Q4cV2f Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ CREDITS Produced in collaboration with: Mike Booth https://www.youtube.com/somegreybloke #TheSchoolOfLife #HistoryOf #Dating
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Text Comments (514)
The School of Life (2 months ago)
The history of dating is an interesting and varied one. What are your thoughts on the future of dating? Let us know in the comments below. If you like this film be sure to subscribe to our channel and turn on notifications.
Baluvideo (1 month ago)
+Anonymous Are you sure your browser isn't set to auto translate stuff?
Anonymous (1 month ago)
Please, stop translating your video titles to different languages. I came here thinking this video is in my language and it's in English. It's misleading. English would be just fine. And occasionally it's such a bad translation it doesn't make sense at all. German: "Die Geschichte der Datierung" = literally "The history of age determination". WHAT? Did you let Google auto-translation do the job?
Brandon Jimenez (1 month ago)
I can definitely see this happening in the future and yes you'll find a companion that is highly compatible with you but this still doesn't prevent the whole concept of what we've been talking about in the past episodes of being deceived of having an affair of free love more than one person in the relationship DC that the machine will give you a companion that's highly compatible with you but it still doesn't solve everything
Baluvideo (2 months ago)
Is the 1855 date right for I Viceré? Everything I could find about that booknsays it was written in 1894. Also the content seems quite different.
itsmeslm (2 months ago)
What about other cultures. Africa, Pre colonized Americas, Australia etc...
yuaelt (24 days ago)
It's a very interesting video, and certainly a nice one to have watched. However, I have to disagree with both the beginning and the end. In the part about late medieval Europe, you forgot to mention that getting toddlers engaged was mostly practised among aristocracy, as it was part of doing politics (and business) in pre-national Europe. Common men would have had much more freedom in whom to propose to, and sometimes the parents would even consider their daughter's opinion if she found the man repulsive (and the offer wasn't too sweet). Any perceived difference in social status (especially if it was the bride who came from a 'better' house), and the family's opinion on the planned union was, obviously, a deciding factor on whether it could actually happen, but it was not as rare as this video may suggest to mary a person you fancied, provided that the dowry did not literally include half a kingdom. As for the futuristic vision of machines determining our best partners... this is interesting but I think it's also dangerous, and could lead to an even higher divorce rate. Why? Living in a world where a computer finds 'the one' for you is setting the expectations very high for that other person (they're supposed to be my perfect match, how come they don't agree to X!), and very low for ourselves (why should I try to be a better person, there's literally no one better than me for him/her). As far as I know, a good marriage is the exact opposite of that.
London In Style (1 month ago)
*2075 is an episode of Black Mirror*
Wafiq Essop (1 month ago)
This Euro-cenric. Please don't use the word "HISTORY', its misleading with all due respect.
FirstRisingSouI (1 month ago)
Really? Your solution for the future is a machine that takes our choices away? What the hell? At least say it's optional.
Anonymous (1 month ago)
Please, stop translating your video titles to different languages. I came here thinking this video is in my language and it's in English. It's misleading. English would be just fine. And occasionally it's such a bad translation it doesn't make sense at all. German: "Die Geschichte der Datierung" = literally "The history of age determination". WHAT? Did you let Google auto-translation do the job?
Lavendelchen (1 month ago)
The German title for this video says "The history of dating (but dating like dating an event)". It would fit better if it was "Die Geschichte des Datings"
Madd Scientist (1 month ago)
I'll wait til 2075
Nora Fellag (1 month ago)
Interesting. But the history portion is so Euro-centric.
Khalid AlAli (1 month ago)
It’s funny to see the progress through the centuries in the west, it’s very similar to the Islamic east as well, where my dad had a hard time finding anyone to look at let alone date in the 80s here in Arabia, whereas in 2006 in high school I had my first blowjob at midnight in my dad’s car, secretly behind her house, where as now in 2018, you see teenagers dating in front of everyone in shopping malls, which granted not everyone does, but just think that only 30 years ago their parents had no other options but homosexuality with friends or first cousins.
S M (2 months ago)
Women dont date any more..they prefer to make 100 euros sex date...i hope android female robot new ganeration come soon
TinyMustache (2 months ago)
Actually I think in the future, instead of computers controlling our love lives, I think people will have more free/open relationships without strict commitment. It’s more likely because I think people are striving to be more independent and self-focused. People like having their own choices and I doubt they would let computers dominate their lives (I mean especially after movies like the Matrix!)
straightforward (2 months ago)
I understood this completely! The pendulum swings. I did find it interesting, you didn't mention the 'mid-swing' of the pendulum. I find that very important, esp. in this day and age. Having the 'chaperone' there is supposed to keep everything safe. (That's for both party's best interest.) Also, I've found it very important to meet parents, friends, and family BEFORE the rose-colored glasses are on....if at all possible. (LOL!) :D
hotdiggedydemon (2 months ago)
This video doesnt explain the history of dating, it describes the history of the public perception of dating and how it was depicted in fiction. How did dating start? Who went on the first date? Did they get a handjob?
manusolef (2 months ago)
Macri🇦🇷🇦🇷🇦🇷
Itszdoodoo Baby (2 months ago)
So basically our ancestors are the ones to blame for why I've been single for 24 years. Had it been that my partner was chosen by family, maybe I wouldn't feel so empty and curious on how a relationship and "love" or extreme likeness feel.
Eddwardo Chesterfield (2 months ago)
It is because of online dating nowadays that I will never let AI help me find someone. I'd rather go on searching.
Kishnika Dhawan (2 months ago)
05:28 MOTH MEME!!!!!
Nerdy Nemo (2 months ago)
I believe that western societies went from an extreme to another extreme. Going from reason over feelings to feelings over reason (especially physical attractiveness). I think that it's better to have a middle ground for relationships to last. Parents should guide us but not control us, and we really should never rely only on physical attractiveness. We should get to know a person for who they are before making any decision. Furthermore, when it finally comes to making a decision, we need to use our brain in the addition to our heart and not just follow our heart blindly. Also, getting advice from others is important and I believe the best ones to get advice from are our parents. It's just my opinion in the end so... Do whatever dafuq you wanna do!
Leeah Davis (2 months ago)
The ending was unexpected cx
Leeah Davis (2 months ago)
Technology really is taking over the world
Conner Fields (2 months ago)
I do "diarrhea of the mind" type posting (I'm sorry). Whether they try to appear as such or not the president of School of Life (Alain Botton) looks like a sort of secular-leaning humanities conservative to outside eyes. If you want peasant studies history, it is out there. There are web pages. There are college classes (young people take advantage of this especially). I like the orthodox approach to history (it's not going anywhere), I always find counter-narratives fascinating however.
- { Nay } - (2 months ago)
WTF. How do you know it's gonna be in Singapore. May. 2075. I'm so impressed. Positively. I am living in a real-life simulation based on the past isn't it? I KNEW IT.
nah. sex robots for companionship and artificial wombs for procreation ... _all by 2050,_ *for the win!!!*
K Dog (2 months ago)
*European dating from the fifteenth century and onwards. Nothing about the dating before, which makes a little sense because there isn’t MUCH written evidence about it all. But it isn’t as if there wasn’t dating before the 1400s
Amazing!!every day I watch a new one
tom4ivo (2 months ago)
The idea that a date can happily and uncomplicatedly lead to sex became not only an emotional but also a practical possibility with the invention of the LATEX CONDOM, not the pill. <See the 1920s> For that matter, nobody really talks about the US having had 5 sexual revolutions in its history (6 if you include the 1750s); they only talk about the 1960s.
Mark Evans (2 months ago)
There are documents describing methods of contraception which are more than three and a half thousand years old.
Jeshka BodyArt (2 months ago)
How does Polyamory fit into your timeline and future theory?
Tomer Yaha (2 months ago)
Dam u you transhumans!!!!
Inez Darmalia (2 months ago)
What video editor software do you guys use?
Shlomo Tusk (2 months ago)
I as a religious Jew don’t think that sex or physical intimacy should be part of dating and I don’t think the decision to marry someone should be based on emotion rather it should be based on mainly reason, meaning a date should ideally be two people having a sophisticated discussion about their values and goals to see if they are compatible. Even if they have the “feeling of love” during that process that doesn’t mean that they could or do love each other, because that feeling is very shallow and it only means that there’s a possible potential for love in their marriage. Meaning people shouldn’t marry because they love each other they should marry because they want to develop a love for each other.
Gena Holden (1 month ago)
Shlomo Tusk tf is this?? 😂😂 go back to the 1800’s you primitive, archaic monkey.
A good outlook.
toadali (2 months ago)
You're grasping at straws with this one. You've Got Mail? Really!? When Harry Met Sally is from '89 and the idea of dating widely for love was CLEARLY already a common thought. And that's just the first example I can think of. You're discrediting yourself with this calibre of video.
Victor Brun (2 months ago)
WTF ???!!! Is that Mauricio Macri at 0:12 ? As*hole president of Argentina.
VeneDrummer (2 months ago)
I'm not sure I agree. I think the biggest indicator of a happy relationship is found within the person instead of in their partner. It doesn't matter if you have the perfectly calculated person to be with if you don't love yourself and you'll sabotage things or not know how to effectively communicate. To me, the ideal is that you date and fail at a bunch of relationships until you understand yourself. Not to mention that even if you're a perfect match today, next year you could be a completely different person based on your life experiences.
JoysticKnight (2 months ago)
Man. I'm no expert, and truly I hold even worse social bravado and wittyness, and being single watching as the world turns, I think to myself more and more that we've built up something in our heads that simply isn't true or clever in the slightest: that there is a one out there; a true love. I mean, cartoons and live-action media are such that they are dramatizations of a tale, created solely to entertain. And never actually meant give advice on how one should carry themselves. Living in a society in which we spoon feed ourselves this constantly, I can't help but wonder how many including myself have yearned for the disney ending of living forever more with one who can literally only be properly matched with you. However, overtime do I slowly strengthen the thought that this notion is not only improbable it's likely downright impossible. Given the propensity and probability of the universe, how could we possibly expect such things? The very fact that you are alive right now has been a complete string of seemingly random events that happened to have ended with you reading this far. And don't get me wrong, we humans are good at finding and making patterns, but even those patterns have random elements. So what right? If such a bleak outlook what's the notion of it all right? Well here's more of what I'm coming down to: you can literally have the best relationship of your life with anyone. And that's it. That's the secret sauce to me currently. The trick here is that, if true, you have to create your best relationship not "find it". And if you're not good at that? Then rely on the chance of probability to have things flow smoothly with someone else who also experiences favorable probability with you.
María Sol (2 months ago)
what the fUCK is Macri doing in this video 0:09
Noname Needed (2 months ago)
Hmmm🤔 predicting the future...I like it BUT, I wouldn’t ever consider placing my trust in a machine to predict my destiny. No thank you, we leave that to fucktards who can’t think for themselves ✌️✌️
Lua Veli (2 months ago)
1. Once I was playing chess with a friend of mine who is an excelllent chess player. I was used to always losing when we played but I still loved it! One day, just before he only had to make a few moves to win, he said " because today is your birthday, we can turn the board at this point. So you'll get my position and hopefully win this time". What a gentleman! He offered me all those figures in the best possible position, but since I wasn't a good player, I didn't know what to do with them and once again I have lost! Well there is a life lesson in there too. I would be very happy for the people in the future, if they could so easily find the perfect partners for themselves, but if they don't get the necessary emotional education, I am afraid they will still fail. 2. Since there is a lesson about almost anything on this wonderful channel, the video called " On finding the right one" explains this much better! 3. And I am sure, even a hundred years from now, the following podcast episode with Alain de Botton ( the founder of this channel ) will help many people: " On Being with Krista Tippett, The True Hard Work of Love and Relationships" 4. There is a wonderful movie called " Her" that gave me a lot to think about...I never thought that a movie about a man who falls in love with a software would move me to tears. I highly recommend it! 5. And there is a very interesting Hidden Brain podcast about the history of marriage. It is called: " When Did Marraige Become So Hard". You can also complement it with another episode: "The Lonely American Man". 6. Friends who want to know about technology and divorce, the following podcast episode may help you to get divorced less painfully: " Note to Self . Wevorce: What Divorce by Algorithm Means for Marriage." Thanks a lot for this wonderful lesson. It was terribly interesting. Let's hope that everyone in a hundred years from now, will know about TSOL and they will watch all these videos as a part of their emotional education and they will suffer much less and they will be much better people than us!
Michael Maier (2 months ago)
Dating in tribes was quite often not binary, how do you come to the conclusion the future will still not consider more fluent boundaries between two(multiple) partners
C9 OboistAllen (2 months ago)
I don't know whether or not starting with western society is the right place for this subject
Guest Informant (2 months ago)
Doesn't, say, the existence of, say, _Romeo and Juliet_ (itself based on a much earlier story), undermine the veracity of this purported history?
Mamta Narang (2 months ago)
The end is so funny. A calculator can calculate faster, computer can be programmed to play chess but AI can never find ur soulmate,.
chiakimz (2 months ago)
I believe monogamy will die out long before 2075, and the idea of 'the one' would become obsolete by then.
Now this was how the definition of marriage was changed - from a contract to practically allow a female to be under a male's control, to it being about love.
Francis (2 months ago)
miauricio macri
Francis (2 months ago)
macri gato
Leila (2 months ago)
Well, in my culture your husband is still chosen by your family, or at least should be accepted by them. Moreover, it often important to understand whether they come from a good family. This history is mostly based on the 'western'. Dating was something no common in many countries across the world.
JellyCrown (2 months ago)
The future seems like an episode from Black Mirror kill the DJ
jamesdragonforce (2 months ago)
I think it’s about time we started being more open to polyamory.
The MadCatter (2 months ago)
person in 2080: oh, I wish I lived in 2018, dating sounds fun, although I know I would regret it, people got divorced back then.
Raoul Radio (2 months ago)
The first thing about dating that needs to change is that it's all about the women. The endless wining and dining, men paying for everything. If women want equality, they can start by equally investing in the dating process.
MI Three (2 months ago)
In western world
Gonzalo Gelpi (2 months ago)
00:10 WTF Why Mauricio Macri?
Aubrey 23 (2 months ago)
Please please please school of life make a video on how to get a date or dates.Please your perspective can be very helpful
Lua Veli (2 months ago)
Hello there! If you wish, watch these three videos from this channel: 1. How to seduce someone on a date 2. How not to think on a date 3.How to seduce someone with confidence If I may add one personal advice: if the other person doesn't seem to like you for one reason or another, don't worry about it. Here is the thing: for the very thing that one person doesn't like you, somebody else will find you lovable. I had an ex who constantly complained saying that I always speak so fast and so excited. He said it would make him " nervous". But then I know people who tell me that they always feel " energised" after talking to me , because they see the very same thing as a sign of enthusiasm and joy. So the point is: just don't give too much credit to whatever that guy may think of you. Best wishes!
Ave Caesar (2 months ago)
I really would like to see a Philosophy video about Erich Fromm and his "Art of Loving.It will be a very good continuation of this topic.
Isabella Martin (2 months ago)
I question if the ideal of monogamy and one true life partner will still exist in the future. Monogamy and the idea that you will be with one person for the rest of your life is just a social construct. This social construct does not work in the modern society, there is too much pressure and too much expected from a relationship nowadays. And I think this would probably change into a society where polygamy and more than one life partner are more acceptable, maybe even the standard.
DrunkenRampage (2 months ago)
Polygamy will just turn this world more violent. The question will be who gets the more mates? The unattractive people would be willing to do anything to stop more attractive people.
fips001 (2 months ago)
the chessboard is set up wrong
kang jinhahaha (2 months ago)
Hey SchoolOfLife! Can you please do a video about having fake friends? As in feeling paranoid about not having anyone who honestly cares for you outside of your family, feeling very alone and socially awkward even though you have certain people who you tend to hang out with...?
Lua Veli (2 months ago)
Hello there! I thought you may like this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGedUxTAfBk Best wishes :- )
для Родины ! (2 months ago)
r/incel
marcelo Rodríguez (2 months ago)
Wtf that's Macri, the Argentinean president at 0:12
strawberry analogue (2 months ago)
I know this is off topic but may I suggest minimalism as the next video?
ariellecat (2 months ago)
5:33 Is.... That....a homage to the moth meme??
Ricardo (2 months ago)
Que hace Macri ahí! Jajaja
Mohammad Al Anezi (2 months ago)
The future solution is 4 wives. As holy Shariah said.I have 2 only but I'm heading that way shortly.no dating was involved .
chris davidson (2 months ago)
Mmm In the past on what basis did ordinary people get married? Was it arranged also?
Leonie Snijders (2 months ago)
Jesus the prediction was incredibly depressing
Rodjyna Beauvile (2 months ago)
Holy shit.
Mihai (2 months ago)
Your voice is just perfect!
nosoynadaoriginal (2 months ago)
Macri que haces ahi?
😘😘😘😘🌹🌷🌼💐🌷🌷🌷💋
niddler Shepherd (2 months ago)
Møth
Santhoshi Srilaya Routhu (2 months ago)
Hang The DJ, Hang The DJ
Santhoshi Srilaya Routhu (2 months ago)
5:33 you're updated on latest meme trends
Super S (2 months ago)
FUCK dating for real
not da vinci (2 months ago)
I am so happy that people woke up and stopped watching y
Clint Brenner (2 months ago)
This is shit, more important though is the fact you weak ass emasculating queers always shun normal human boy girl relationships.
Daniel Lanctot (2 months ago)
The problem here is the same that there always is when looking backwards in time: the accounts that are cited are always relating to the ruling classes, the aristocracy, in other words, the rich! And for those classes of course it makes sense that marriage was a family transaction. But the rich have alway and will always be a minority in all societies. What about the poor? The peasants? Did they truly use marriage as a transaction? Were they also arranging marriages for children in their future? I understand that fewer accounts of them might have survived but I wonder if truly the norm of the minority was also the norm of the majority who did not have as much to gain from “political marriages”. Yes, I am sure a few poor got the opportunity to “marry up” but then again it comes back to having something to gain and basically selling out your values for it. But in a remote village, in a region forgotten by the rulers who have nothing to do there as long as a the taxes flowed in through back Chanel’s: Did the poor farmer A who lived well enough to provide for his family get with farmer B who also had barely enough to get by and start planning the marriage of daughter A to son B? Or did they prioritize their time to working the land and let the children figure out who’ll they marry? ... Somehow I think that the latter was probably closer to the truth and if so, there must have been some form of “dating” or getting to know you period. Granted, they would not have been going to the movies, nor to the mall nor even the library but they must have partake into some form “shared time” activity; and would that not constitute dating? And would it then not mean that dating has a history far further reaching than presented here?
Mark Evans (2 months ago)
There are other possibilities here. Including that marriage was less common amongst poor people. It's only as recently as the mid 19th century that you can get good demographic data on what proportion of people are married.
NPC#563.114.512.128 (2 months ago)
We only have the accounts of aristocrats. It seems unreasonable to extrapolate that all we ever did was marry for family. Especially when we all experience strong emotions that indicate the opposite. We also have indications that even our immune system plays a part. If we only married with our heads, what good were dates and chaperones? Without a wellfare state and no anti conception and horrid STD's, sex, marriage and children was a dangerous business; you'd better use your head! Now people can behave like children with no concern of the other, life, and own mental and physical well-being.
Nawaf Awad (2 months ago)
The drama of decision! It’s our human privilege. We cannot allow AI to make our decisions for us
Chun Wong (2 months ago)
lmao
James GS (2 months ago)
5:28 MOTH
Ash (2 months ago)
Can that machine come out sooner? I don't want to wait until i am in my 70s to have the option of that machine;lord knows i can't find them myself.
Holy Atheist (2 months ago)
Please unfreeze my body in the year 2075.
Liyanna De Lioncourt (2 months ago)
I've never dated before
Sherlocked 4You (2 months ago)
macriii
Cristian Lucero (2 months ago)
Macri gato
Louise B (2 months ago)
2075 sounds lowkey boring af
Dave Chan (2 months ago)
Funny, in the past our parents shaped our lives and decisions. We went in going against our parents/guardians to manage our lives until now we use technology to look for our other halves..
raghda rashid (2 months ago)
Even here moth exist brrrrr 2075 seems to be scary
Gastón Bazzinga (2 months ago)
Thank you for uncluding our obnoxious president as one of the characters, really, but I'm a hundred percent sure that a man who shares no compassion, or a dignifiying attitude towards the people he's governing excludes him from being any sort of a good example or standard. His laugh is a reflection of superiority, more like one of those nasty guys you encounter during your life, self centered, ignorant, fascist, and only interested in being a rich and poweful authoritarian figure.
Lolah Lolah (2 months ago)
Arranged marriage still happen in middle east
Skweepa (2 months ago)
Sometimes beautiful...sometimes a nightmare.
licenciadogarufa (2 months ago)
In 'Don Quixote', by Cervantes, there is already an episode in which he talks about the importance of love and the feeling of young people for marriage, as well as the need for parents to guarantee the mutual convenience of this union.
licenciadogarufa (2 months ago)
Macri gato
Arny Diablo (2 months ago)
Was this reposted? I feel like i have watched this already. Or was it under some other title?
valerio margiotta (2 months ago)
love your Italian pronunciation
Vineet Kansotia (2 months ago)
8:14 Kolkata taxi driver: I'll go out on a date with you if you don't mind the longer way to your destination. Thanks.
General Tso (2 months ago)
year 2150, A.I. is put into lifelike female androids . year 2300 human race goes extinct.
jeanne reis (2 months ago)
The future looks bright.
Shardul Rawat (2 months ago)
Hmmmm interesting 5:32 Moth and Lamp
Apple Thug (2 months ago)
The School Of Life T.S.O.L. TSOL LOST Watch these if you're lost

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