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Mars brain, Venus brain: John Gray at TEDxBend

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An all-time bestselling author of 17 books sold in 45 languages, including Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, John Gray is arguably the world's foremost expert on relationships. Gray's focus is helping men and women understand, respect and appreciate their differences in both personal and professional relationships. He's appeared on Oprah, The Today Show, Good Morning America, The View and Larry King. He's also been profiled in Newsweek, Time, Forbes, USA Today, and People Magazine. In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
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Text Comments (443)
Sean Rahimi (2 days ago)
Okay, I get it now. I thought a woman had to become happy before she could be ready for a relationship. She will never be 100% happy. Women are like waves. They crash. They are like the weather. They change. Finally clicked
Nick Rouser (5 days ago)
Didn’t realize how pretentious TED listeners were
Pedro Sousa (5 days ago)
I like this stand-up comedy approach to this subject. We are here to have fun, not worry and be bitter.
John Thompson (6 days ago)
John Thompson (6 days ago)
John Thompson (6 days ago)
WOW, GOSH, HAD ONLY THE CAVEMEN WOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS...........................none of us would be here.
Sushi Viking (8 days ago)
i like that he has mentioned things that men can do to save the relationship. But he should have also mentioned what women can do. Should i create a system that would let him feel like he's solving a problem? How? Give specific examples as you have given for men. We want to make this world a better place, both genders working hand in hand, not a one way street.
B (19 days ago)
I almost stopped watching at the first joke. So funny. But my rational part said that I had to watch more and... How to waste money and time studying stereotypes, good job man!
Uriela Siefer (24 days ago)
There is now such thing as Mars or Vinus brain. We are from planet erth and first and most importent, we are humans. Blowing up the small differences is not usfull in learning to undersand diversity. It's an old concept we should get over with. Empathie only works out when we stop thinking in gender apartheid.
Ni We (24 days ago)
For those who don't agree, let's just keep in mind no one invited u to speak at a Ted talk soooo yeah lol
Anh Trinh (25 days ago)
Women's moods are like California weather, to be exact xD
Mario Velzaquez (25 days ago)
Great talk
Stephen Bradshaw (25 days ago)
What a great talk and anyone been in relationships long enough this will resonate with
cyberfrank 2010 (28 days ago)
he s simply the best!
Carla X (29 days ago)
I am a 20 years old woman... This man is totally right.
Healthify My Life (1 month ago)
And yet sometimes I come back to give myself the awareness of our differences= it feels good
nofy bn (1 month ago)
Bob Jimenez (1 month ago)
Thanks for the tune-up John : )
JAM WOLF (1 month ago)
omg.. funniest most informative ted talk ever.. please do more about him ! thank youuuuu
Tesla had more feminine brain and he was brilliant
TP Licorice (1 month ago)
This was really, really interesting. Plus, it's always good to be able to laugh at yourself with others. We're not so different after all.
Hassanain Alhelou (2 months ago)
why everyone just laughing???? is this a comedy show????
Nick Rouser (5 days ago)
Hassanain Alhelou because it was funny... live a little
Leah Swenson (3 months ago)
I want to know how to regain trust
Jessica Lynn (3 months ago)
Relationship Expert / Comedian
savannah cruz (4 months ago)
Where is his Dr. title ... please,
savannah cruz (4 months ago)
Awful, pseudo-science
Paul Gilheany (6 months ago)
Has the increase of estrogen in the water supply led to the evolution of the soy boy?
jamotide (26 days ago)
nope, it led to super relaxed women!
Rebel Oneal (6 months ago)
Professional dumbasses
NuLyteTV (7 months ago)
That makes sense, you’re right and good idea ladies lol
NuLyteTV (7 months ago)
Love this guy, I remember reading his book Men r Mars and Women are from Venus when I was like 20. 11 years later I need it again hahahahaa
The best talk ever. Awesome
Tobias Hansen (8 months ago)
and when your wife gets annoyed with you for looking at other women, you just explain to her "it´s just my hormones", and she will happily apply "you know what you´re right i should be more understanding..." like that´s ever going to happen
Orïon Lynx. (9 months ago)
Idk i didnt buy anything he said
Rod Perez (9 months ago)
This should be part of elementary school program
Krutika's World (10 months ago)
soujanya thumu (10 months ago)
Superb. Really small things make big difference.
Heather Daniels (11 months ago)
TED should be embarrassed to have had this speaker. He has no expertise in any of the fields he cherry picks from and he often summarizes their findings incorrectly. His degrees are from disreputable institutions in fields unrecognized by anyone else and his entire work is based on anecdotal hunches. Embarrassing.
silentwhisper2009 (11 months ago)
Great talk and very applicable to anyone who been in hetrosexual relationship. The homosexuals seem upset in comments because they don't want men and women to get along (it strengthen their case to say oh..you don't get along, join the abnormal anti-nature team!). If you are a man or a woman, Dr. Gray talk has an advise on how to help you get better in your relationship. As always, the little things matter more than you would think....count on it.
Darryl Learie (11 months ago)
I can’t believe he called his former clients, ‘losers.’
Morad Shebli (1 year ago)
Paula Flowing (1 year ago)
How transforming it would be if there were more aware; careful men like him
Cage Ngo (1 year ago)
I broke up with my girlfriend. All reasons are in his book. I was kinda shocked when reading the book and find out the truth. MAN, I JUST WISH I READ HIS BOOK EARLIER TO SAVE MY LOVE STORY.
Vicky Vasiliauskaite (1 year ago)
Brilliant! thank you John
vsleboss cacakaka (1 year ago)
Before buying on gearbest, know that it's thieves. They do not repay, on google search for "Thieves Gearbest".
Lucy M (1 year ago)
One of the most fun Ted talks yet!
Darin Hibbs (1 year ago)
Not everyone wants to be independent...some people are happy to be dependent upon the government
vondahe (1 year ago)
Sheer genius combined with humour.
Param Kaur (1 year ago)
You are right! 😂😂😂
forbidden yet (1 year ago)
this really made my day😅😅😅...i enjoyed it...😍😍😍
Seth Marker (1 year ago)
LOL so do you have a 5 page list about me lol? Yes baby I am watching the Brain mars and Venus radio deal. I love you Leah Susan M L A L F Y BEAUTIFUL L BABY MUAH MUAH MUAH!!!
olfaromeo (1 year ago)
absolutly magnificent
Cristina A. (1 year ago)
the only time my bf got me really mad and I got stressed it was when he did not buy weed the day I wanted to smoke so badly
Sarajean Zocklein (1 year ago)
Much of what he says seems dated and inapplicable to todays male/female paradigm. This may have been relevant in the 1980's but we are evolving as a species to be whole human beings. Lets drop the co-dependent rhetoric of blaming our problems on partners and own our healing, happiness, and fulfillment. As a millennial, I cover my mouth with a polite "yawn" and click next.
Kalk Rest (1 year ago)
Ted goes stand up comedy
Area 52 Consultants (1 year ago)
Simply Awesome!
Blazah NYOB (1 year ago)
we need more thinkers like her in the USA.
Miss Sha (1 year ago)
Best speech eveeer
Junaid Files (1 year ago)
This is quality information. Ignore people who say he doesn't have point, try it.
Junaid Files (1 year ago)
Hahahaha he's amazing, thanks John Sir..
Leo Magat (1 year ago)
You made sense.
Hannah Bananuh (1 year ago)
I love your speech John Gray. I was laughing!
Muhammad Zaki (1 year ago)
Is there any subtitle of this video? Or does anyone want to make it? hehe Sorry for my bad english
Gareth Thompson (1 year ago)
This is segments of his book men are from mars women are from Venus. If you thought this was useful I would highly recommend his book.
Ron Contarsy (1 year ago)
Sihu Bitches (1 year ago)
My boyfriend cries more than I do. He's too emotional which is why our relationship has failed so many times over the years
guloguloguy (1 year ago)
......So Funny!!!! AND, SO TRUE!!!!..... WOW!!!! LOL!!!
Joanna K (1 year ago)
I love this guy!
AUGUSTUS CAESER (1 year ago)
hes an amazing speaker
Gold Waves (1 year ago)
So many experts in the comments. Disagree and move on, or better yet-- where's your Tedtalk? If you're gay I don't think this talk was for you anyhow.
KISA2377 (1 year ago)
klári geiszler (1 year ago)
I have laughed a lot it is very different form his book Men are form Mars. It is funny and informative and even if our hyppocampus is not bigger than men's as one commenter says it still is informative and enjoyable and many things are true. However, Mr. Gray should not be judged based upon this one video and its contents as many do judge him here below in the comments. It would be nice if some people would take the time and check info on him and read at least one of his books before judging him to be wrong or a clown or non-factual or biased or offensive or ineffectual in his work. Envy is a very negative feeling and degrading someone or belittling his work out of envy is distasteful. This is what I think. Otherwise I enjoyed both the talk and many of the comments, they are very interesting. Thank you for uploading this video.
klári geiszler (1 year ago)
I love your book Men are from the Mars, Mr. John Gray and now I discover what a funny man you are besides. Thank you, it was the most enjoyable ted talk, to laugh and learn.
Edgaras Kazlauskas (1 year ago)
Back to this in five days! Great talk, John!
K S (1 year ago)
thank you, john. kristina
Luna L (1 year ago)
"the avg man in 50s have half the testosterone he had as young man.lots of things contribute to that but one of them is *marriage* lol
Chinara Ikhsan (1 year ago)
Monscent (1 year ago)
So nonbinaryphobic xD
Simon Peters (1 year ago)
This is actually a brilliant case for not getting involved with women romantically. Conclusion: Because of their dependence on oxytocin, women (to the extent they are feminine) are bipolar and biologically incapable of (genuinely) appreciating men. For a man to get by in a relationship he has to pander to her unreason. This is what the video is saying, if you read between the laughs. No thanks. Go MGTOW.
TheLeadersTeacher (1 year ago)
Where did he get this knowledge It helps me and I know i can help so many People who don't know what the Hell is going on in their lives. Thanks John G
Wesley Chapman (1 year ago)
Entertaining & informative, with many practical tips. But Gray's basic view is "happy wife = happy life." So a woman's nature and HER needs define EVERYTHING that needs to happen in intimate relationships. Gray is a woman-serving mangina; he PROVES it when he insults his male clients--if they "don't feel like" meeting a women's needs--as "loser, loser, loser." That's an ugly, dark, moment in this entertaining video. But in that moment, Gray shows us who he really is: another servant of our very gynocentric American culture...where women get to "have it all," while men are disregarded and disposable. Women complain that men are afraid to commit to long-term relationships, and they're right. Men ARE afraid, and for damn good reasons. To sign a marriage contract is to give a woman the power to ruin your life. With no-fault divorce laws and a court system that's extremely biased in favor of women--and against men--a woman can "evict" a man from his home, cut off most (or all) contact with his kids, seize half his assets and a BIG chunk of his future income...with the full support of the law. No wonder that so many men reject the idea of marriage, or postpone it indefinitely; the system is rigged against them. 50 years ago, 70% of young men aged 19--30 were married--30% were single. Today 75% of those men are single, only 25% are married. Happy long-term relationships will be very rare, until our laws & courts undergo massive reforms. In the meantime, married men who are desperate to avoid divorce can use John Gray's methods to "hang on" and perhaps soothe & pacify their perpetually unhappy wives. Good luck!
klári geiszler (1 year ago)
Dear Wesley he does not say that. He says that men do not seem to know how to make women happy and that if they do things well it will work well in a marriage for both. He also says, if you read his books and do not base your opinion on this short talk, that women have to know how to deal with men and give them what they need in order to have a happy reunion in marriage. His jokes are there simply to entertain but if you read his books he really is giving many good tips and strategies to make marriage work and be happy in it.
Ziji E. Kerekgyarto (1 year ago)
thank  you so......hav'nt laughed so hard in ages!
This was incredible!
kell 2012 (1 year ago)
this is amazing
melody Furmie (1 year ago)
Just finish watching this with my husband, we laughed ourselves silly as it really does make the fighting seem so trivial and funny. This video is really great and I would suggest it for any couple! :)
btg73 (1 year ago)
I want to live
Sayoko Hanyu (1 year ago)
If only men and women COMMUNICATE about their problems effectively, then there will be no 2nd floor for these women. :) And by effective I mean: Women should ask/raise only necessary questions/concerns. Men should stop dismissing the significance of these questions. Both parties should then listen intently with understanding and love for the partner. But we make it complicated by turning tables here, cold treatment there. (-___-)
Jason O'Dell (1 year ago)
I think his daughter is unwise. If she's going to promise to be with him for all of her life, then why wait?
Heba Bardan (1 year ago)
It's hard for those to help me because my boyfriend is so different from the typical type of men, he is so sophisticated and logical sometimes way too much I need him to take it easy, I feel like those relationships talks are always directed to one type of men and women, which is the typical
Erica Gutierrez (1 year ago)
Love this! Funny and informative! Thank you!
William Ferguson (1 year ago)
So women who deny men sex attempting to kill them?
Uif Tisobo (1 year ago)
Just minimal information from horrifayng biochimistry, but people comment wrong.
guloguloguy (1 year ago)
Yalanchi Swiss (1 year ago)
I wish he was my uncle!
calsitup (1 year ago)
good video but would not generalise too much I think women have selective memories. Also what about people with attitudes expecting things to be a certain way judging others and so on. Some people are more conflict orientated they want conflict. This applies to men and women. Others would rather not have conflict.
Rashidi Ali (1 year ago)
I enjoy this:)
Polina (1 year ago)
This sounds more like a comedy sketch than actual info, but I definitely found it entertaining (for stereotypes)! Although he applies old research to modern-day relationships, his charisma is infectious. That's the thing though: modern-day relationships are becoming increasingly more complex. They're a product of hormones, brain chemistry, societal evolution, adaptations to a technologically/scientifically advancing world...I'm a strong believer that presently, we're shifting away from what you might consider "instinct"...it's a lot more than that now. With so many people, there are so many variations of relationships, that you can't possibly mold them to a few simple statements. Just like personalized medicine, relationship counselling should also be personal and reflect an ever-changing world. His ideas are definitely lost on the younger generation. Personally, I think partnerships (the long-term, marriage-worthy partnerships he's trying to shed light on) are more about helping each other achieve common goals. All these nuances of how people relax, who likes to do what after sex, etc, are minor details in the grande scheme of things.
Lola DeLuna (1 year ago)
He actually dives deep into exactly what you're saying in his books. He agrees that today's relationships are as complex as it's ever been. I think you would enjoy his books, or even other talks he has on youtube. Can across a yt video right before thus where he explains how different relationships were I'm his parents day to now.
klári geiszler (1 year ago)
Try reading his books you will enjoy them and find them really informative, this was just a funny talk.
kiran (1 year ago)
one of the best talks and so accurate. I hav learnt a lot. thank u so much sir for your knowledge.
P (1 year ago)
The talk isnt appealing to our modern androgynous sensibilities. That said, the idea of Man and Woman arent myths, they are real, and to relationships that are very 'gendered' very 'heres the Man' heres the 'Woman', its probably very relevant and appealing. To the androgynes like me, thers nothing here.
JUL IEN (1 year ago)
Nianna Bray (1 year ago)
This guy is great! XOXOX

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